Tenderness and Guesting….
It has been exactly a month since my last Story. I had made a promise to myself to write one story a month and well it looks like I will be keeping that promise..
Sooo, here it goes.. I woke up this morning after having the Flu for 7 days. Those 7 days should have been a time to heal and rest yet it was a week that highlighted a lot of what still feels like a struggle to me..
I struggle to listen to myself and to know what I need. I mostly allow what others need from me to take priority and then I feel guilty for not listening to myself or worse I mumble under my breathe and complain when cleaning or doing something. It’s so passive aggressive and I don’t like when I am that person.
I no longer want to be a guest in my own life.
I deserve to be taken care of and loved even when I can not perform.
I would like my own family. I don’t have a prerequisite for how that looks, I just know that I truly would love to experience a family.
Those are a few things for me to think about and I guess I always think if I do this or that then it will all be clear, but I guess all the threads only weave together slowly and there is not one part of that thread that will magically change it all or maybe there is….?
In last months story, I shared on how building a home for myself with a herd of 3 horses is my dream. A home I truly feel is a reflection of me. From the way that it smells to the way that it feels. I keep feeling like I am behind on this dream. Like I should already have it. I should already at least live with one horse close by. When I write this down, I realize this is the pressure that I feel yet I am exactly where I am supposed to be. All of where I am now is preparing me for that moment of when I wake up in my life and no longer feel like I am a guest.
My truest self is when I am with others and can share the tenderness of holding space and for now that is not in my own home because my path requires that I guest for a while longer.. So, let’s see what this month brings. What I do know is that in the middle of May I will be guesting on an island that has given so much to me… More to come soon but I am excited to share the somatic practices alongside a beautiful herd of free roaming horses with you. Details will follow soon.
Love, Fiona
